Something is approaching. It is the noise of an engine, of that I have no doubt.

The excellent ear that had allowed me to distinguish any sound in the distance has not been with me for a long time. I lost it in an episode that I would rather not remember. Although I know that forgetting is not something I excel at.

But that steady approach along the road is unmistakable. Why do I make a habit of being in the wrong places after everything that has happened? Is it necessary to stand so close to the road? Are baobabs not so good everywhere? Am I doing it to flirt with danger? Maybe it’s a way to get attention to prove that I’m brave despite my years.

I recognize Sammy’s voice, and part of me is reassured. I know he won’t hurt me, but I have to listen once more to the story, my story, told to a group of silent tourists who accompany him. They are aiming at me, this time with cameras.

Sammy reassures the tourists that I am not dangerous and that is why they can be so close to me. Sometimes I would like him make things up – would it be make-believe? – and tell them that I am a tough guy, that I can be bad, that I am unstable, something that would worry the travelers, something that would make them look at me with respect rather than pity. After all, if I decided to be different, I could attack their 4×4 and destroy it, including its occupants.

I knew some of my people who did something like that and didn’t live to tell the tale. These memories disturb me and my breath comes faster. I decide to walk over and rest my head against one of the trees and close my eyes.

Listening to Sammy bores me and at the same time I look forward to his visit every week. It is possible that I come to this place to be seen more than to eat. Maybe I need Sammy’s  company, and he needs me to do his “thing”.

As I open my eyes I  notice someone looking at me in a different way; not with pity but with admiration, mixed with a little trepidation. The situation takes me by surprise and cheers me up. I decide to give her a sign, but I don’t want to scare her any more than she already is. I sense her tension; she seems new to this environment. I smell her fear and while I want to feel respected I don’t want her to fear me. Perhaps if I blink slowly, it would show her that she is not in danger. I do, and her look changes. I hear the click of a camera, she smiles at me, she feels safe.

I think we like each other, and this feeling that should fill me with pride crashes against my reality. I have had a long journey in life and plenty of  impossible loves, and this is one of them. She keeps looking, she touches me with her gaze… I decide to end the game and go on my way. I start to move slowly and with what I consider a certain youthful grace.

I cross in front of the vehicle, I want everyone – especially her – to see how strong I am. As I walk away I hear the engine starting and Sammy’s voice fading in the distance.

Author: Lau Tullio

Proofreader: Barnaby Sheridan

Tanzania (Round 3)